He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
