is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
