Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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