Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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