She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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