i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
