i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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