Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
