You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
