I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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