I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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