if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
