Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
