Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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