My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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