OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
