i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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