This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
