This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
