First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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