i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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