Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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