Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
