thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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