I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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