I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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