I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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