mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
