So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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