I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
