So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I did not marry a roomba.
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