i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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