uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
