dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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