Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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