On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Alive.
So much puke
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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