would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
