I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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