Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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