i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
