If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You ruined the universe
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
