Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
