just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
