yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
