He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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