forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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