my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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