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Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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