Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
