I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
