rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize