so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Too much gin, very little bucket
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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