Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
two words...techno handjob
it's like heaven, but drunker
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
