and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love you.
Bad choice
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
