I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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