Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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