Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize