i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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