my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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